Two hours before kick off and I was lying back on the grass outside St Philip’s Cathedral catching some rays.

It was Premier League survival day both here, in Birmingham, and back home in Reading.

Not that I cared. Still oiled up from a 90 minute Health du Vin massage, my thoughts were centred on boosting my tan and nothing much else. I had hit absolute relaxation.

By the time I came round in the Shakespeare later that afternoon, staring down into an empty pint of Guinness, Sky Sports told me both teams were down.

Fulham had made it, something about a Danny Murphy header, and not even Simod Cup final flashbacks could soften the blow.

Could I really let a game (it’s only a game, right?) ruin a weekend in this most underestimated of destinations? No chance.

Base yourself in the heart of the old city at Hotel du Vin.

The former Birmingham and West Midlands Eye Hospital, hailed ‘the most perfect in the Kingdom’ in 1884, is the ideal access-all-areas location from which to explore, shop, wine and dine.

We had one night only and were going to make the most of it. We checked in early on the Saturday, Candy was desperate to swop du tranquillity for the Bullring – Birmingham’s super shopping centre just a 10 minute walk away.

Although with Urban Outfitters and a designer catalogue of other shops on the way to distract it will always take longer. I particularly liked Limeys – soon to be renamed Cruise – and the bottles of Peroni waiting on ice for the regular customers craving designer garments for the night. Unfortunately it was my first visit.

The Bullring itself is loaded with places to loosen your wallet. Selfridges, with its striking fantasy exterior of giant silver discs and outrageously tempting food circle, has it all – even a bull made out of jelly beans on sale for £20,000.

Elsewhere, take a look at the contemporary clothing collection at All Saints, jewellery and silver gifts at Links of London, shoes at Office and Kurt Geiger or, if that is all too much, settle down in one of the many bars and restaurants (including Cafe Rouge and Wagamama).

Shopping here is like London without the sweaty tube rides and heavy legs.

This was not my perception of Birmingham at all. And I didn’t even have time for the Mailbox, the self-proclaimed ‘premier shopping and lifestyle centre’, and its flagship store Harvey Nichols.

Now it was time to test the beer. The Old Joint Stock – just up the road from the hotel on Temple Row – came recommended and we were early enough to get a seat.

Once a grand old Lloyds Bank, it is now a classic gentlemans pub. The grand, solid oak bar stands proudly beneath a glass dome, while sculptures and paintings give the sensation of a night at the theatre.

It gets rammed in the evening, I was told. We couldn’t stay long, however, for a table for two at the hotel Bistro had our name on it, and we wanted time to freshen up.

Our room, having not seen it on arrival, was on the second floor and called Pol Roger – every one of the 66 bedrooms I saw were also named after bottles of Champagne.

The bed was king and the bathroom bigger, complete with walk in monsoon shower and roll-top bath – a whole football team could freshen up in here. Tastefully decorated, contemporary with class, and the lady was delighted.

The stylish hotel has two bars, a terrace with retractable roof for the sun and the Parisienne-style restaurant where we were due at 8pm. We went down early for drinks in the Bubble Lounge for the dark and moody Cellar Bar was not

open yet and we wanted to see what it was like to be transported to Venice. Designed in the style of Cafe Florians, the historical bar in the Italian city of love, it can serve up more than 50 Champagnes, so I ordered that Peroni I missed out on earlier.

Candy and I reflected on her purchases of the day before it was time to move across the entrance hall to the restaurant for dinner.

Now we were in Paris. I enjoyed a goats cheese and walnut salad followed by sea bass while she chose chicken liver and foie gras parfait with home made brioche, and a pork dish for main.

The food and service was excellent, with particular credit to the sommelier who was keen to share his knowledge of wine and pour once a glass showed signs of emptying.

This place is not called Hotel du Vin for nothing, and I made sure of taking a look at the stocked cellar before checking out the next morning. Our gratitude was followed by a stroll down to the nearby (everything is nearby here) St Paul’s Square for a further round of drinks.

This is where Jools Holland owns a popular bar called the Jam House – but you might have to queue.

The Jewellery Quarter square is packed with other options if you are not prepared to wait, although there is a reason why people stand in line.

I found myself pounding the treadmill in the downstairs gym the next morning before breakfast to run the night away, and by the time I had finished my eggs benedict with smoked salmon and coffee I felt sharp again.

You are also offered a full continental option with toasts and juices to complement a cooked order – everything you would expect from a top quality hotel.

For extras, Hotel du Vin Birmingham, the fourth oldest from the national chain, is blessed with a health spa. I was booked in for the holistic back, face and scalp treatment at 11am and gave myself plenty of time beforehand to read the paper – ‘how much it will cost to be relegated’ and so on – in the relaxation room, dressed in fluffy dressing gown and slippers.

Soon my number was up, and the knots in my back were untied.

Lying there, head down in dream world being pampered, I started wishing I could come back every weekend. I was even starting to get used to the accent...

FACTFILE

* Stuart stayed at Hotel du Vin Birmingham, Church Street, B3 2NR. Tel: 0121 200 0600; email: info@birmingham.hotelduvin.com; website: www.hotelduvin.com

* Standard double rooms cost from £150 per night, large from £165 and deluxe from £195. Valet parking costs £20 per day.

* Breakfast is £9.95 for continental and £13.50 for full English; starters for lunch and dinner in the Bistro start from £6.75, mains £15.75 and desserts £6.75; wine starts at £14.50.

* For cheaper prices on rail travel to Birmingham New Street direct from Reading (1hr 40mins) book in advance at www.virgintrains.co.uk

* For more information on the Bullring visit bullring.co.uk; The Jam House details can be found at www.thejamhouse.com; and for more general information on the city go to www.visitbirmingham.com